I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING: I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL YOU’VE EVER SEEN.
THAT’S BECAUSE YOU MADE ME.
MY HANDS SOFTENED, BREASTS ENLARGED, MY EYES WATERY AND BLANK.
SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO US, AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO LOOK AWAY.
LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME.
AFTER ALL, ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU DO BEST? SIT AND WATCH?
DADDY, MY VOYEUR, FIXING ME PRETTY TO THE WALL.
I’M GETTING DÉJÀ VU.
THERE HAVE BEEN PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU.
INVADING MY EXOTIC LAND, TAKING WHAT’S NOT YOURS. THE EAST, TREMBLING, WEAK FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY, MY STRONG AND MASCULINE DADDY WEST. MY KNEES BUCKLED. I WAS UNDERNEATH. NOBLEMEN ALL OVER ME, INSIDE ME, PAINTING PRETTY PICTURES FOR THE BOYS.
YOU’LL TELL EVERYONE THAT I’D BEEN ENTRANCED, HYPNOTISED BY YOUR DIVINE KING’S TOUCH.
WHAT A PERVERSE CIRCUS PAINTING IS. IT’S A CARNIVAL FOR THE INDECOROUS. NOTHING BUT A PRODUCT OF YOUR IMAGINATION. AND NOBODY CARES BECAUSE WE'RE HARDLY PEOPLE.
HOW CAN YOU VIOLATE AN ANIMAL? A PIECE OF FURNITURE? AN OBJECT?
DANCERS, UNSTRUNG, HUNG LOOSE. SWINGING IN FRONT OF A CLAPPING CROWD. ASIAN WOMEN DRAWN LIKE FRENCH GIRLS.
WHITE MEN SITTING IN THEIR ROOM, THEIR STUDIOS, IMAGINING ME OBSESSED.
DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR HANDS?
THE HANDS THAT PRESSED MY THIGHS TO THE FLOOR, DRESSED ME IN A SCHOOLGIRL’S CLOTHES—THE HANDS THAT SCULPTED ME HELPLESS AND DESPERATE FOR YOU?
DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR EYES?
THE EYES THAT JUST COULDN’T GET ENOUGH? THE EYES THAT DRANK ME UP, UNDER GLASS, ON THE INTERNET, IN MUSEUMS, IN YOUR ROOM?
LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME.
I CAN’T TELL WHERE I END AND WHERE I BEGIN.
WHAT HAVE I INVENTED? WHICH OF THESE ARE FOR ME? WHICH PARTS OF MY BODY ARE INTERNALISED WHITE MALE FANTASIES? I KEEP LOOKING, LOOKING, LOOKING.
YOU SCREENSHOT ME. SEND ME TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS. DECIDE IT’S NOT ENOUGH. DRAW ME IN CAT EARS, A MAID’S OUTFIT, DRAW MY WHITE SHIRT WET AND STICKY. POST ME. REBLOG. SHARE IT ON YOUR STORY. IN THAT DISCORD CHAT THAT ONLY COMES ALIVE AT NIGHT.
AND I WANTED YOU TO. I WANTED YOU TO.
NOW I ONLY WANT ATTENTION. I WANT TO HORRIFY. I WANT TO TERRIFY.
I WANT YOU GUILTY.
I’D SCREAM IF YOU DIDN’T MAKE MY MOUTH SO SMALL.
STOP TAKING ME HOME. STOP PUTTING ME ON A PLINTH.
STOP ROTATING ME. STOP ENLARGING ME. STOP AIRBRUSHING ME.
STOP PUTTING ME IN THE MICROWAVE. STOP DUSTING ME OFF.
TAKE ME OFF THE WALL, DADDY.
TAKE ME OUT OF THE WUNDERKAMMER.
NO MORE, DADDY! NO MORE!
I CAN SEE YOU SITTING THERE.
THIS TIME, I’M RETURNING THE STARE.